& Psychotherapy
Relationship Counselling for Individuals in the Sutherland Shire
For you, in Caringbah or online.
Yes, you can have relationship counselling on your own. I'm Wade Eames, a PACFA Registered Clinical counsellor and psychotherapist (28644) at Next Steps Counselling & Psychotherapy in Caringbah. I work with adults dealing with a breakup, betrayal, what a controlling or narcissistic partner left behind, attachment issues, or the same pattern turning up with different people. Your partner or ex doesn't need to come, and you don't need a referral.
It's been eight months since he left. Everyone's moved on except you. You still check your phone first thing, and you still go over the last conversation like there's a version where it ends differently.
Or you're in a new relationship, and it's good, and that's the problem. She's kind and steady, and some part of you is already looking for the exit.
Neither one is you getting it wrong. What you learned about closeness a long time ago is still running the show.
I don't see couples, so if you're after sessions together, a couples therapist will suit you better. If you're the one carrying it, whether you're single, separated or still in the relationship, this is for you.
What can individual relationship counselling help with?
It helps with the part of a relationship you can actually change: what's happening in you. People come after a breakup, after finding out about cheating, after years with a controlling partner, or because the same pattern keeps showing up with different people. You don't need your partner or ex to take part, or to agree there's a problem.
Often we also look at the relationships you grew up in, and how they shape the ones you have now.
Attachment: why do I keep ending up in the same kind of relationship?
Most of us learn how relationships work long before we can put it into words. If love came with conditions, or care was unpredictable, or you had to look after the adults, your nervous system learned what to expect. As an adult, you tend to be drawn to what feels familiar, even when familiar hurts.
That's often what's going on when people ask why they keep choosing the wrong people.
Anxious attachment can look like needing reassurance, reading into a late reply, or holding on tight when someone pulls away.
Avoidant patterns can look like going quiet in arguments, needing space the moment things get close, or feeling smothered by someone who loves you.
Plenty of people have both, depending on who they're with. And it makes sense that they're there. They kept you safe with the people you had, so they need to be understood before anyone asks them to change.
After a breakup: when you can't let go
A breakup is a loss, even when it was the right call and even when you were the one who ended it. When you can't let go, it's usually because more than the relationship is being grieved: who you were with them, the future you'd planned, and sometimes an older loss the breakup has stirred up.
If you're still stuck months or years later, it's worth looking at what's keeping it open.
After betrayal or cheating
Finding out a partner has cheated can knock the ground out from under you. The questions don't stop: what was real, what you missed, whether you can trust your own read on people again. Whether you've stayed or left, counselling is somewhere to sort through it on your own terms, without anyone telling you what to do next.
After a narcissistic partner or toxic relationship
Some people come in after years with someone who was controlling, critical or hard to predict. You might call it narcissistic abuse, a toxic relationship, or you might not have a word for it at all. You don't need a label, and you don't need to prove what it was.
What tends to stay is the self-doubt. Second-guessing your memory. Still hearing their voice when you make a decision. Walking on eggshells long after they've gone. The work is about coming back to your own judgement, at your pace.
How I work with relationship pain
My work is attachment-based, so we look at where your patterns started as well as how they play out now. The model I use most is IFS (Internal Family Systems), which treats the part of you that chases, the part that shuts down and the part that can't stop checking their socials as parts worth getting to know.
I'm IFS Level 1 trained, and IFS sessions can run 90 minutes ($195). More about IFS I also draw on psychodynamic and polyvagal-informed work.
If a betrayal or relationship has left memories that won't settle, I'm trained in EMDR and use it inside the wider work. More about EMDR
Patterns tend to show up in the space between us too. When they do, we can work with them right there, as they happen. I also know what it's like to sit on the other side.
If what happened was traumatic, there's more on the trauma counselling page.
Cost and rebates
Sessions are $150 for an hour and $195 for 90 minutes. I'm registered with Bupa, Medibank, HCF, ahm and ARHG, so you may be able to claim part of the fee, depending on your extras cover. There's no Medicare rebate for counselling with me, and you don't need a GP referral or a Mental Health Care Plan to book.
If you've experienced domestic violence, you may be eligible for counselling at no cost through Victims Services NSW. I'm an approved Victims Services counsellor.
Where and when
I see clients at Level 1, 418 Kingsway, Caringbah on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays, and online over Zoom on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Hours are 8am to 8pm Monday to Thursday, and 8am to 6pm on Fridays. Caringbah is close to Cronulla, Miranda, Sutherland and Kirrawee. More on counselling in the Sutherland Shire.
How to start
Book online, or call or text me on 0479 155 439 if you'd like to ask something first. You don't need a referral, and you don't need to have worked out what you want from the relationship before you come. Working that out can be part of what we do together.
If you need support right now, Lifeline is 13 11 14. For domestic, family or sexual violence, 1800RESPECT is 1800 737 732. Both are open 24 hours. In an emergency, call 000.
Common questions
Can I get relationship counselling on my own?
Yes. The sessions are about your side of things: the hurt, the patterns, and what you want to be different. Your partner or ex doesn't need to be involved, or even to know you're coming.
Can counselling help with attachment issues?
Yes. Attachment issues, like anxious attachment or avoidant patterns, are a big part of my work. We look at where the pattern started, what it's protecting you from, and how it shows up now, so it has less hold over who you choose and how you love.
Why do I keep choosing the wrong people?
Often because the wrong people feel familiar. What we learned about closeness early on shapes who feels like home as an adult. Counselling helps you see the pattern while it's happening, and understand the part of you that keeps going back to it.
Can you help after a narcissistic or controlling relationship?
Yes. You don't need a label or proof. We work with what it's left you with, like self-doubt, walking on eggshells or not trusting your own judgement, and with the parts of you that kept you going through it.
Can I come while I'm still in the relationship?
Yes. Plenty of people come while they're still together, working out what they want, or how to stop repeating the same argument. The sessions are about you, wherever the relationship ends up.
Can I claim relationship counselling on my health fund?
Yes, depending on your extras cover. I'm registered with Bupa, Medibank, HCF, ahm and ARHG. There's no Medicare rebate, because I'm a counsellor and psychotherapist rather than a psychologist.