Why Do We Feel Stuck Even When We Want to Change?

It’s one of the most frustrating human experiences wanting to feel different, show up differently, maybe even be different..yet somehow, we keep finding ourselves in the same place.

The same arguments.The same self-doubt.The same patterns quietly shaping our lives, even when part of us is deeply ready for something new.

If that feels familiar, we’re not alone. Feeling stuck, even when we long for change, is something so many of us grapple with. And often, it’s not because we don’t know what we want to shift it’s because what’s holding us in place often runs much deeper than we realise.

The Patterns We Carry and Where They Begin

From our earliest moments, we start learning about the world through connection, care, and all the subtle (and not so subtle) experiences that shape us. Over time, these early moments create what psychology calls our Internal Working Models.

They quietly shape the way we see:

• Ourselves: Am I worthy? Do I belong?

• Other people: Can I trust them? Will they care?

• The world: Is it safe? Is there space for me here?

We don’t just live in the world we form a relationship with it.We learn to expect certain things.We carry those expectations everywhere.

And if the world once felt unsafe, rejecting, or uncertain, it makes sense that we still walk through life as if that’s true even when our circumstances have changed.

The “Old Suit” That No Longer Fits

Many of us find ourselves trying to navigate life in an old suit that doesn’t quite fit anymore.

It might have served us once helped us stay protected, stay small, stay guarded but now, it feels restrictive, heavy, and uncomfortable.

And yet, we keep putting it on.

Not because we’re broken, but because without new experiences, fresh information, or support, that old suit is still the only thing we know.

We end up applying outdated solutions to new, more complex parts of life. No wonder we feel stuck like something within us is quietly working against our own desire for change.

How Real Change Unfolds

Change isn’t a switch we flip. It’s a process of untangling those old patterns and gently creating space for something new.

That process often looks like:

• Awareness, Starting to notice the patterns we carry, the way they shape our relationships and how we see the world

• Understanding, Exploring where those patterns came from, with compassion, not blame

• Choice, As awareness grows, we can begin to try new ways of being, relating, and seeing ourselves

• Practice, Change is rarely neat or linear. It takes patience, courage, and space to experiment and grow

We’re Not Broken We’re Learning to See the World Differently

When we feel stuck, it’s not because we’ve failed. It’s often a sign that the models we built long ago to survive, to stay safe are no longer serving us.

Therapy offers a space to gently question those old models, explore where they came from, and begin rewriting the story.

And when that happens, our relationship with the world starts to shift. It begins to feel safer, more open, more worth engaging with. Not because the world itself changes overnight — but because our experience within it does.

It takes time. It takes patience. But change is possible.

When We’re Ready to Try Something New

If we’ve been walking around in an old suit that no longer fits if we’ve been applying old solutions to new challenges there’s nothing wrong with us. We’re human.

And when the time comes to try something different, we don’t have to figure it out alone.

Together, we can explore what’s keeping us stuck and gently make space for something new.